In this OA guide, we’ll be giving you proven strategies and techniques for how you can learn to control your ego and become a better leader, follower, and teammate.

The first step to controlling your ego is being able to differentiate between confidence and arrogance. Many people, especially new leaders, have trouble distinguishing between the two.

The best way to tell the difference between confidence and arrogance is that confidence is quiet, while arrogance is loud. When people are confident in themselves, their purpose, and their abilities, they don’t feel the need to prove anything to others. Self-assured people don’t need to feel approval from others or show how capable they are – their actions speak for themselves.

Arrogance, on the other hand, occurs when a person lacks real self-esteem and tries to compensate for it. What ends up happening is an exaggerated image of false confidence. This manifests in the form of yelling and attempting to attract attention to oneself by showing off, putting others down, and always looking for competition.

Learn how to identify the signs of arrogance, then work on recognizing them within your own behavior. Developing real confidence is the first step to controlling your ego (learn how in our OA guide: How to Build Confidence Like a Navy SEAL).

Sometimes, the best way to become a leader is to know how to be a follower. Part of being an effective superior is understanding that a leader is not what you are, but what you become. In other words, leadership is a job, not an identity.

One way to reinforce this understanding is by learning how to relinquish your authority. When you gain the ability to step back and follow instead of leading, you simultaneously learn how to control your ego. If you want to become a better, more humble leader, learn how to be a subordinate.

Many people in both the civilian and military world have a distorted view of how leaders should behave. In movies, tv shows, and other forms of media, leaders are usually the brash, authoritative main characters that bend people to their will. In actuality, the best leaders are often those who know when to stop talking and start listening. 

For example, let’s imagine you are planning a mission with your team. If you're the only person speaking and generating ideas the entire time, your plan won’t be very effective. It will be one-dimensional – relying on a single person’s perspective and experience instead of taking input from the whole team. As we mentioned in the first strategy, those who speak the most are usually the least in control of their ego. Leadership isn’t about aggressively leading your team through every scenario. It’s about accomplishing your mission, even if that means taking a back seat and listening to your subordinates.

Many individuals go through life surrounded by people who make them comfortable. They find a group of friends that is composed of people who are less effective, driven, and disciplined than them. What ends up happening is that their ego begins to inflate. After all, they’re the best, right? 

If you want to keep your ego in check, humble yourself. Surround yourself with people who are ahead of you mentally, financially, and physically. Understand that no matter how successful you become, there will always be someone who can outperform you. This strategy isn’t about putting yourself down and discouraging improvement. Rather, it’s about realizing how much work you have left to do and deflating your ego. 

If you want to transform your life, you need to surround yourself with people who make you nervous – who make you feel like you should be trying harder. If you’re the wisest, most capable person in your friend group, find a different crew. We understand that finding a new network of driven, disciplined, confident individuals can be challenging. That’s where we come in. When you become an OA Aspiring Operator, you get instant access to an exclusive community of over 900 future, current, and retired special forces operators (plus a bunch of other perks)! Make a change in your life. Check out our membership packages page to get started today!